


Last Thing Left

by Griffindork



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, F/F, hints towards death, its a Birdbox AU okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23632453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griffindork/pseuds/Griffindork
Summary: In a different world Charity marvels at the way the colour brings out Vanessa’s eyes. There’s terror in those blue eyes now, fear that’s familiar now, fear that’s seeped into everything since that day.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	Last Thing Left

Charity looks at Vanessa before her. The blindfold sits around her neck waiting to be pulled up. It’s made from an old shirt they found at the corner shop on their last supply run; it’s blue and in a different world Charity marvels at the way the colour brings out Vanessa’s eyes. There’s terror in those blue eyes now, fear that’s familiar now, fear that’s seeped into everything since that day. It’s a fear Charity hates. She hates it so much it burns low and constant.

Vanessa smiles at her warmly. For a moment Charity can close her eyes and go back. Go back to mornings spent tangled in each other, when the sun could come through the windows and bathe Vanessa golden. For a moment she allows herself to live there, warm in Vanessa's arms. She kisses Vanessa’s smile succinctly, rests her forehead against Vanessa’s.

“We can do this.” Vanessa swears. Charity only nods silently. For Vanessa, for the boys. They can do this. “The sanctuary is down the only river.”

They close their eyes together, Charity’s hand cupping Vanessa’s cheek gently, and in the other she grips the shotgun. They know the plan if this goes wrong. They know what they’ve got to do. Charity knows what she’ll do to protect them all.

“I love you.” She says, because this might be the last chance she gets. And if this is the last thing she gets to say to Vanessa then let it be this. “I love you with everything I have.”

“I know.” Vanessa nods. Her hands rise to grip at Charity’s jumper, to pull her closer. “I know.” She kisses Charity hungrily, her teeth nipping in her desperation and tears slip down her cheeks until their kiss is salty. “I’ll love you forever.”

It sounds like a goodbye. It feels like a ‘just in case.’

“I hope so.” Charity laughs. She doesn’t repeat herself from last night. Vanessa already knows what Charity wants for Vanessa. Safety first, happiness always.

Vanessa buries her head in Charity’s shoulder, drying her tears against the fabric of her collar. She holds so tight it feels like Charity might burst, like she might just break from it all before they even reach the end. But she pulls Vanessa closer, squeezes tighter, breathes deeper. She thought they’d spent enough time last night, preparing for maybe goodbye. Wrapped around each other, slow and delicate and breathing each other in, desperate and soft and tender. She thought she’d kissed all the goodbyes she had into every inch of Vanessa’s skin but it’s not enough, it will never be enough. She wants it all, always, forever.

They promised each other forever. 

“Ready.” Noah’s voice comes from behind, his blind fold sits ready around his neck. 

“Yeah.” Charity says. No, she screams inside, never.

“Yeah.” Vanessa echoes, she pulls away and Charity aches immediately.

Moses and Johnny stand, each holding one of his hands. They look terrified. Charity doesn’t think they’ll remember the last time they stepped outside these doors, too young to know once their world consisted of sunlight and open space. But it feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago simultaneously for Charity. They’d screamed and squealed and laughed and cried like brothers do in a playground. Her heart aches for what these young boys could have been, for the young men they will be. 

“Right.” She says, quickly. Before she changes her mind. “Now.” She kneels down and pulls each boy to her. “I’m going to put these on and you can’t ever take them off. Never.”

“Okay.” Moses nods seriously. He’s too young for the frown that creases his forehead. She smoothes it with a thumb, swallowing back tears. The time for grief has gone.

“Promise me.” She looks to each boy seriously. “Promise me you won’t take them off and you’ll keep your eyes closed.”

“Promise.” They say in unison.

“Good. Okay.” She pulls each blindfold up carefully, tightening them desperately, maybe too tight but each boy stays silent. Like they know what’s coming. “I love you boys so much.”

They echo the sentiment back at her, unflinching and simple in their love. They fall into her arms heavily and she breathes each boy in turn. Moses grips so tight he nips her skin and Johnny burrows into her shoulder. She bites back tears, kissing each on the head before pulling back.

“Ready?” She asks of Noah, standing slowly. She looks at her son, already a young man. There are worry lines she thinks might be permanent around his eyes and a shadow on his chin that still tips a bit towards bumfluff than actual stubble. She thinks she can see the man forming behind his eyes. She misses him already, it aches and it aches and it aches already.

For a moment, as he looks at her, sad and knowing, she thinks he’ll say no, but then Moses and Johnny each take one of his hands and he looks down to them, stood unseeing and trusting completely in their big brother. 

“Yeah.” His jaw clenches determinedly. For them he stands brave and strong.

“Good lad.” She smiles. She steps forward and pulls his blindfold up slowly, committing the exact colour of his eyes to her mind again and again until it’s gone and she’s tying a knot in the fabric and in the open valve of her heart. Her three sons stand before her scared and prepared and trusting that she will do even the unimaginable for them. She nods to herself, jaw clenched.

“Mum.” He says when she’s about to step back. “You were a good mum.”

The words lodge in her throat and the tears she had been holding back drip hotly down her cheek. She cups his cheek, thumb rubbing in circles softly. “I love you too.” Her voice is broken and weak in the silence.

“We need to leave now.” Vanessa says gently, reluctant.

“We’re all ready.” Charity promises. She steels herself, wiping the tears and breathing deeply before she turns, confident and smiling. Vanessa will remember her as brave and beautiful and scared. “Let me help you.”

She holds the blue fabric in her hands, determined green eyes locked on sad, scared blue ones. She kisses one last time, lingers for a second because she can, smiles as she pulls back and winks arrogantly. “See you on the other side.”

Then she’s pulling the fabric over her favourite sight, whispering a goodbye for her own comfort. She looks around at each of them in turn, helps Moses make his way to Vanessa and cling to her when she lifts him up. She watches Johnny clamber into Noah’s arms, cocooned protectively in his arms and his back hunches like he wants to hide him completely. Then she’s pulling her own blindfold up, the image relegated to memory, and all she sees is darkness, cold as she’s finally as ready as she can be.

“Whatever you do,” She reminds them all desperately, hand on the door knob, gun ready, “don’t open your eyes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was bored and asked for a prompt and it morphed into this. What can I say?


End file.
